livin on a prayer

it's soccer insanity! tournaments, tryouts, and more sports drinks than you can shake a stick at. (wtf does "shake a stick at mean anyway? and it ends with a preposition. is that still bad grammar?)

jake's team is playing in a mini-tournament to decide the placing in their division. they won their first game 9-0. jake scored three goals. they advanced to the next round, and tonight they beat the first place team in the division 6-4. the game was freaking awesome. at the end of the game, jake organized a dousing of their coach with water. it was the equivalent of the gatorade being dumped on the coach at the superbowl. it was hilarious - the coach never saw it coming. those boys love him.

i gave one of my son's team mates a ride home, because his parents had a family commitment. when we got into the car, i said to jake, "ooooooo weeee. you guys do NOT smell good!" he said, "ya smell that mom??? THAT IS THE SMELL of winners." what could i really say in answer to that?

on the way home, we rocked out to some butt rock on KLZX. life is pretty good when you, your 11-year-old son and his friend can sing "livin on a prayer" by bon jovi at the top of your lungs in the car.

jenna is guest playing in a tournament in layton this weekend, so we're gonna smash in a real salt lake game while we're at it. :)

playin with the queen of hearts

this is a real, live conversation. names have not been changed. no one was hurt in the writing of this post. even though they probably should have been.

jenna: mom, what should i be for halloween this year?

we have the halloween costume conversation at least once a month. year round. also a regular topic? what is wanted for the next birthday. even when the birthday was last week. never hurts to have ideas for next year, right? just in case i have no idea what to get. because no one gave me any ideas ALL YEAR LONG.

me: it's a bit early to be thinking about halloween, don't ya think?

this is coming from a girl who is convinced she is going to get her entire department to dress up as the cast of the jersey shore for halloween. yes, i'm already plotting how to make it happen. two of the guys will have to dress up as girls, but trust me, it will be worth it. and i need one girl to be a guido. she has short hair, she'll be able to pull off the gelled, crispy, blow-dried look easily. 

jake: mom, it's never too early.

clearly. now remind me again...what is it you wanted for your birthday? was it a mini laptop, an ipod, or a tv for your room? oh yeah...a computer desk, a snowboard, an american girl doll and dc's. and for me? a second mortgage!!! wheeeeeeeee!!!!

jenna: i'm thinking alice in wonderland.

me: you think i should be alice??

jake: no! you are the queen of hearts!!

me: *horrified face*

jenna: jake!! are you saying that because mom is fat??

what the hell is going on here?!?!??!!?

jake: no, i'm saying it because she is mean!

seriously!! WHAT THE HELL??? 

me: you guys are lame-o's!!!

then i stomped off like an immature teenager. when i told the guys at work about it, IT GOT WORSE. they told me that the queen of hearts HAS A REALLY HUGE HEAD. thanks, guys. NOT.

and i love her

when i tell people that i have a housekeeper, it's not uncommon for them to say the following things:

are you freaking kidding me? 

no way!!!! how much do you pay her?

serious??? my husband would NEVER let me do that!!

i hate you. 

are you judging me yet? most of you already know i have a housekeeper, but in the off chance that some stranger stops by here, i want them to know that I HAVE A HOUSEKEEPER. and? it is THE BEST THING EVER. i want to make one thing clear: for the most part, i don't mind doing housework. i enjoy having a clean house. i do hate laundry. but i think everyone does, right?

the kicker? i work about 50-60 hours a week at a job that most people wouldn't be able to handle. i know this because i am pretty sure i got the job only because no one else wanted it. ha HA! but seriously. it's stressful. i love it and i'm grateful for it every single day, but it takes up a significant amount of my time. cleaning my own house would just be ONE MORE THING i have to do. i still cook dinner regularly. cooking is love.

i work because i can't imagine NOT working. i never ever expected to be a stay at home mom. i love SAHM's and sometimes i envy them. they probably envy me. i work for a few reasons: i enjoy it; i need to make my own way (i cannot be dependent on a man. it's not in my nature), and i like shopping. oh, and that pesky mortgage.

back to the housekeeper. have i mentioned that i love her?

i literally have nightmares that she will quit. that someday, i will have to dust my own shelves. mop my own floors. scrub my own toilets. and FINISH MY OWN LAUNDRY. oh! the horror!!!!!!! i told her she had to give me six months notice if she ever quits. she laughed. i was like, no, i'm serious. this isn't a a joke.

for those of you who do not work outside of the home, i can see that it might be very hard to justify having a housekeeper. but for those of you who do, you are nuts if you don't find a way to fit this into your budget. it costs me less than $200 a month to have my house cleaned once a week. i come home every tuesday to a house that smells like cleanliness and pine sol. she catches me up on laundry if i'm behind. (i say "if" like it doesn't happen very often. HA HA HAAAAAAA.) it is the best feeling in the whole world to come home to a clean house.

having a housekeeper makes me a better mom. a better wife. a better person. i don't resent my husband for not helping around the house. i don't hate my kids for wrecking the house after i spent 5 hours scrubbing, mopping and dusting. i don't mind doing the other things that make my household tick. i have time on the weekends to enjoy my family, instead of spending the time cleaning. i can enjoy my kids' activities without having to worry about doing household chores when i get home.

my kids still have chores. they still have to clean their own rooms. the housekeeper only vacuums their rooms. they still have to put clothes away, hang up their towels, empty the dishwasher, take out the trash, etc. they still have to help.

i'm not totally lazy. that's my story and i'm sticking to it, anyway.

best. thing. ever.

now. i'm off to find a stash of chocolate. or wine. or both?

5 hot news dudes

i have always been a news junkie. that's probably why i have a degree in journalism.

today i'm sharing with you my...

top 5 hot news dudes

5. shepard smith
4. mark koelbel
3. keith olbermann
2. brian williams
1. anderson cooper

now these guys are not in my celebrity pass list. please tell me you know what the celebrity pass is. that will be a later blog post...

who are your fave news anchors? there are some hot ladies out there broadcasting, too. you have someone you love?

into the void

life's been a slippery slope lately. it seems that when things are great at home, they suck at work. and if they are great at work, they suck at home. i hate that saying, "you can't have your cake and eat it too." who said that? that person is stupid.

people say things to me like, "i don't know how you do it all."

here's the truth: i don't.

it's that simple. i don't. i fail. a lot.

if i'm being a great mom, i'm probably being a shitty wife. if i'm being a great employee, then i'm stumbling at motherhood. if i'm being a good wife, then i'm being a bad friend. if i'm being a fantastic friend, then i'm being a bad employee.

i can't do it all.

i've got things to do at work. and? it keeps piling up. not that i don't love it. i do. i've got a stack of books that i desperately want to curl up and read. tomorrow. in a love sac in the sunshine. i've got a bunch of DVDs that i want to watch, and tv series that i want to catch up on. for instance...i've never seen 24. i want to get every season of 24 that is on DVD and i want to watch them from start to finish. i know, i know. realllll important. but STILL. it's something i want to do. i want to walk my dogs twice a day, i want to have the prettiest flower beds and i want to freakin learn more about SQL server. talk about important. :)

i can't really explain it, but .. i'm traveling down this road...alone. and honestly, i know i have great friends, a husband, co-workers, kids, etc., but i'm doing this alone. i really am. and part of that is because i choose to. i don't want anyone with me. do other people feel like this? do i subconsciously hold people at arm's length? stuff i can't answer right now, and... i don't have to answer it right now, either.

there will be light at the end of this tunnel. i am convinced that there will be light. for the last several weeks, i've been on the edge of despair. there have been some dark days. i'm still clawing at the edge, desperate to stay on top of it all. and i think i'm winning. i think i'm going to make it.

p.s. no pity comments. or i'll cut you.

ima leavin' on a jet plane

i've been away from home a lot recently. first the vacay with the kids, and i just got back from a quick business trip. i love visiting clients, i love to travel, but i hate being away from home at the same time. i try to be here as much as possible for my family. they suffer when i am gone. one of my dogs (i'm 98 percent sure it's stormy. i shake my fist in her general direction!!!!) has taken to peeing and pooping on my carpet in the living room when i am gone as a way to express her displeasure with my absence.

i am an experienced traveler. i don't fly nearly as often as my co-workers, but i'm not the casual vacationer, either. i never fail to be amazed at the behavior of people in airports, including on the shuttle, in the airport and on the airplane. (i wrote a huge post on this over at my old school blog, see hear speak no evil. check it out sometime...)

airlines have made a major mistake in charging people to check bags on airplanes. because people are too cheap to check a bag (and i am one of those people), this has resulted in the following:

1. longer times to get through security, because there are more bags to be screened. more quart-sized bags of liquids 3 oz or less have to be removed from luggage. sidebar: as a woman who loves her products, traveling can be quite the challenge with the 3 oz limitation.

2. people attempt to take luggage on the plane that has NO BUSINESS BEING ANYWHERE inside the cabin. also, a family of 5 would rather take 5 carry-on pieces FOR FREE than check 2 large suitcases and be done with it. this takes up tons of space on board.

3. boarding the plane takes much longer than it needs to, mostly because people are bringing more stuff on board. flight attendants have to spend time jamming stuff into the overhead bins and rearranging bags. this is time that i'd rather have them spend on making half decent coffee. coffee that i don't have to chew before i can swallow it.

4. more times than not, my "carry-on" luggage is checked at the gate. most times, this is due to the fact that i am stuck flying on one of those spacious regional jets, so i realize this doesn't happen to everyone. this means my bags are being handled exactly like your "checked" luggage that you paid for. the only difference is i get my stuff right at the gate, instead of having to find the baggage claim and waiting 20 minutes for it to be unloaded. so... you totally got ripped off. that's what i'm trying to say.

work through this with me. airports/airlines are paying the baggage handlers on the ground $15 an hour, no matter how many bags they check, right? so whether they handle 10 bags or 100, they make the same wage.

people have always tried to carry on way too much stuff. airlines should charge for additional carry-on luggage... i believe this would speed the lines through security, it would speed up the boarding of the plane, and people would think twice about bringing so much stuff on board.

be honest, when the ticket agent at the gates starts yakking about "limited carry-on space on board," do you even listen? i sure as hell don't. i'm taking on my carry-on, my laptop bag AND my purse. who is going to stop me? and yeah, i'm going to put it in the overhead bin, NOT under my seat. why should i be uncomfortable for the flight? i paid as much as everyone else did, and they brought as much stuff on board as i did.

so, airlines. you've got it backwards. you should be charging people to carry on their luggage. it's not the checked baggage that is bogging you down.

spring break has broken

i just spent 7 days with my kids. that's not a typo. seven days. twenty four hours a day.

and i lived.

barely.

for the first time ever, the kids had a whole week off from school, and i decided we'd take a little vacation. also for the first time ever, i have gone 6 solid days without checking work email. i'm pretty sure i'm going to suffer an extreme anxiety attack, followed by a subsequent bout of diarrhea tomorrow when i get to work and open outlook. more on that later. maybe. maybe i don't want to blog about issues with my colon. :) more importantly, you may not want to read about issues with my colon.

my kids really enjoyed the time we spent together. they thanked me more than once for taking them on vacation and i'm pretty sure that we created memories for a lifetime.

yeah, ok, so maybe i did make them pose for this photo. but i only had to ask once. they're looking out over the ocean at huntington beach, just north of newport beach. it looks warm, but it wasn't. it was cold and windy, but they didn't care. they thought the ocean was awesome. i had to drag them away, teeth chattering and sand stuck in their toes.

it's back to normal life tomorrow.