playin with the queen of hearts

this is a real, live conversation. names have not been changed. no one was hurt in the writing of this post. even though they probably should have been.

jenna: mom, what should i be for halloween this year?

we have the halloween costume conversation at least once a month. year round. also a regular topic? what is wanted for the next birthday. even when the birthday was last week. never hurts to have ideas for next year, right? just in case i have no idea what to get. because no one gave me any ideas ALL YEAR LONG.

me: it's a bit early to be thinking about halloween, don't ya think?

this is coming from a girl who is convinced she is going to get her entire department to dress up as the cast of the jersey shore for halloween. yes, i'm already plotting how to make it happen. two of the guys will have to dress up as girls, but trust me, it will be worth it. and i need one girl to be a guido. she has short hair, she'll be able to pull off the gelled, crispy, blow-dried look easily. 

jake: mom, it's never too early.

clearly. now remind me again...what is it you wanted for your birthday? was it a mini laptop, an ipod, or a tv for your room? oh yeah...a computer desk, a snowboard, an american girl doll and dc's. and for me? a second mortgage!!! wheeeeeeeee!!!!

jenna: i'm thinking alice in wonderland.

me: you think i should be alice??

jake: no! you are the queen of hearts!!

me: *horrified face*

jenna: jake!! are you saying that because mom is fat??

what the hell is going on here?!?!??!!?

jake: no, i'm saying it because she is mean!

seriously!! WHAT THE HELL??? 

me: you guys are lame-o's!!!

then i stomped off like an immature teenager. when i told the guys at work about it, IT GOT WORSE. they told me that the queen of hearts HAS A REALLY HUGE HEAD. thanks, guys. NOT.